Procrastination, Practice and Patience

You know that feeling when you get a thought pop into your head to do something, that you tell yourself is important and you absolutely need to do and then you forget. Time goes by and then the same thought comes to you and this time you stress to yourself how you must not forget and make sure to get to it, and then you forget. Well, this is how this story starts.

A thought popped into my head a few years ago that I needed to send my old phone to my Gran so she could start using Whatsapp. It was important to me and something I felt deep inside of me that it had to be done. So, my humanly self, getting caught up in my own life, selfishly(?) forgets, and keeps forgetting and/or procrastinating. There is a major difference between not having time and not making time. If its important to you, you will make time. If it is not important, you will not make time.

It really bugged me that this person who I love, who use to be so social, is so disconnected from everyone and I believe there is a simple way to help. I hold a solution in my hand every day, just like everyone else who she would like to be connected to. Times have changed so much since her day and families no longer live in the same towns or even on the same continents anymore. Although we are all far away from one another, we are kept informed and in contact via social platforms and Whatsapp instantaneously. Back in Gran’s day, the way of communication was via a written letter that had to travel across country which could take weeks or months via the postman or a local telephone call.

Most people would be in disbelief with the thought of introducing a then 90-year-old lady (she is turning 93 in January 2025) with a smart phone. Thoughts and comments like “They are too old”, “they won’t be able to figure out how to use it” , "they wont use it" or “they are going to die soon so why bother” could be some of the thoughts that would come to minds to strongly contradict the idea. Maybe because of the effort it requires in the first place is what drives this sort of thinking. There was no space for this sort of thinking in my mind. Was it possible? Yes. So, it was worth a try. The only thing stopping this from happening in my case, was me not getting to it.

So, I eventually got everything ready, wiped the device and loaded the relevant apps she may use, put some things on for her to watch, pictures she would appreciate in the gallery, filled her phone book with all the family contact numbers she needed and a set of earphones. She received the phone and of course it was overwhelmingly strange and unknown. You try swapping a phone brand yourself and you know the frustration of feeling stupid because things are different and your muscle memory takes you to the wrong place. At least there is a background of knowing what it is meant to do and the general understanding of what is where on a phone. To us its familiar and easy where for someone else using a device for the very first time from a completely different era in their old age, it is completely daunting and like learning a new language, and in my Gran’s case in a sense a bit “forced” as she didn’t ask for it, so it takes extra effort.

With the help of a friend who stays nearby, she would help from time to time and Gran had some things she would pick up and start doing well and then would start to forget and it must have been extremely frustrating and intimidating to her. This was good progress but the situation needed some extra guidance and motivating. I realized she was only equipped with her memory to back her on the progress.

I came up with this term during one of my office-based jobs which has served me and anyone having to deal with my work very well, which I assure you was/is not meant in a disrespectful way, but rather to make things so streamline and self-explanatory for everyone that I wanted to apply it here. So, I began to “idiot proof” how to use this smart phone. Wrote out step by step and drew the icons to press on etc, how to do things like a normal telephone phone call, open and close Whatsapp, make Whatsapp calls and send voice notes (“It is like a walkie talkie Granny”) and what to push if the felt stuck and didn't know where she was to go back to the beginning. Basically, wrote out a bit of a basic “user manual” when I went to visit and we then practiced the steps.

With tolerance, practice and patience this very intelligent lady now uses her phone and I get voice notes checking in to see how things are going or to just share some love. Don't get me wrong, there are still good and bad days dealing with this tech but Gran is now included in all achievements, exciting events, holidays, concerts, good news, bad news and all the pictures that go along with them as they happen. Her friend from primary school sends her a message almost every day. How cute it that! She happily told me about the one funny picture message she received and ended up forwarding it to me 😊 She even checks the load shedding schedule and can now plan around the power outages. From feeling like an out cast, the last to be informed and unaware of being able to function normally at home with unplanned power cuts, to having a sense of connectedness and control, all in the palm of her hand.

They say one should try playing an instrument or learn something new to keep your brain active and stimulated. How about gifting this simple tech skill to someone in need who would not only gain a skill but also receive a dopamine boost from feeling so excited when receiving messages and feeling loved. They don’t even have to be blood family, the elderly live near us, walk by us, see us.. but do we see them?

This is something very close to my heart and I really wanted to share this as well as encourage people to do this for your elders or someone elderly you might know living close by. I’m sure we all have spare phones lying around that could be put to good use, no matter how old they seem to us. It truly breaks my heart that the world has become so self-centered and it feels like the elderly just get forgotten. This is not just about giving your old phone away, but more a message of being there to help and put yourself in their shoes. They are our only connection to the past, a direct source of information and guidance from a time and place that we will never get back. They have a different way of thinking and etiquette that has been so lost. Lots of people say that they avoid talking to old people because they talk to much. Well, maybe it is because they are lonely and deprived of interaction. What is 10, 20, 30 minutes of your life, to just stop and interact with someone who you can be there for and most likely learn something special from. We need to sometimes slow down and stop making it about ourselves, but about others.

There are so many more but here are some important points to take away from this story:

1. Stop ignoring to do the things that keep coming to your mind.

2. If its important to you, you will make time.

3. Don’t ever let things get in the way of showing kindness to others.

4. Don’t ever hold back on giving. Give freely without holding attachment or regret. Good thought went into the term Possess-ions, they tend to have a way of possessing people right back. Free yourself from the attachment.

5. Time is a great asset, don’t spend it all on yourself to improve the quality.

6. Don’t hold onto things you no longer need because you simply just cant give things away or because of the financial value you have attached to it. Repayment for being selfless comes back in far greater ways when you need it the most and someone could make use of it while its still good enough for use.

7. Do not underestimate what a very young, a very old or someone who is mentally or physically challenged are capable of. In ALL of these cases it takes the willingness to teach whole heartedly with a little bit of tolerance to help one patiently practice to overcome their hurdle. You will most likely be the one who will walk away from that experience learning the most.

8. Do not ever make someone feel stupid, worthless, unimportant, forgotten. We are all equal and we all have something to learn.

9. Even if the chances are that someone does not have long, be a reason to give them something to be excited and happy about in their last days. You never know how much more time they may receive from having something worth living for or the significance of the deeper meaning of your gift to them, whether it be an actual gift to make life better, make them feel special or actual valuable time spent on them.

10.  When things seem overwhelming, chaotic or messy, try “idiot proofing” to simplify & clarify.

11. Frustrating situations are beautiful opportunities to practice tolerance and patience.  

12.  Never stop challenging yourself.

If you have an old phone that you would like to donate to someone in need, please reach out to me at info@hubofhumble.co.za.